ALONENESS by Debbie
Not to be confused with loneliness!
We keep ourselves busy busy, running, distracting, suppressing, addicting, to avoid being with ourselves.
Problem with that is that wherever you go, there you are !
We are in the end unavoidable, one day we will be forced to stop and face ourselves!
Life is kind like that.
The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves !
So get comfortable! In an attempt to fill the hole or avoid the loneliness we find a partner who kind of, sort of fits, in some places. And then, they don't make us happy, I mean, what's wrong with them, right? So, off we go to the relationship "conveyor belt" and switch them out for the next one, and then the next and on it goes. What do you know, we come to the end of the line even more unhappy than we were before we began.
What's going on? Why isn't it working? There must be something wrong with them !
Hmmmmmm, or just maybe something wrong with us!
We have tried our darnedest not to be lonely, every which way we can, only to end up alone.
Life has a way of whispering what we need ever so gently at first , then a little louder and finally if we are not paying attention, life SHOUTS!
Start spending time alone, even if it feels uncomfortable. Feel the feelings, push through the discomfort. Get to know YOU! It may be a first. Start "listening" to your body and it's need to move or rest or be taken care of and honour that "voice".
Start feeling your emotions, acknowledge them make them conscious, so that they don't have to keep prodding at you to get your attention.
Don't suppress them in your rush to get away from feeling those feelings.
Most importantly pay attention to your thoughts as everything stems from what you think.
You may notice your thinking has created a loop , or your thoughts have a particular pattern that can be labelled as good, bad, angry, loving, lustful, hurtful , and so on .....
Labeling them breaks the loop as we see them coming around again.
Finally you can relax, sigh, breathe out, and realise that you are the one you have been searching for, you are the Beloved and you are HOME.
"Oh lovers, where are you going? Who are you looking for? Your beloved is right here.” - Rumi
Slow Down Happiness Is Trying To Catch You by Debbie
"I feel invisible!" she said, yet again, over our first cappuccino.
Bending my head so my hair half covered my face, I mumbled under my breath,
"This is going to be a long lunch!"
A wave of helplessness flowed through me.
How many times haven't I had this exact lunch date with Rebecca.
When was she going to get it?
"I never get the guy," she continues,"I am not beautiful enough, skinny enough
or got my shi*t together enough"
I want to reach across the table, shake her and say WAKE UP doll,
please, just wake up.
OK, here we go, deep breath,
"I am not going to give you a whole lot of spiritual mumbo jumbo" I responded,"
I will give you just one sentence to take away with you, Becca"
"Alright," she says tentatively.
She is used to my lectures now and prefers to stay with the drama than getting to the solution.
"The only person you can ever be invisible to, is YOU,
so, when you get home I need you to look into the mirror, but REALLY look, until you see YOU."
The purpose of life is to be HAPPY, it's as simple as that. Full Stop, Mission Complete.
But what is this elusive thing we chase after that's actually trying to catch up,with us?
"I just want to be happy!" we lament, and yet the very thing we want we inadvertently push away.
There is a gnawing hole somewhere in our being we can't quite touch but attempt to fill with all manner of things just to keep it quiet, for a little while.
And a little while is all it is, the hunger is pacified ever so briefly and then the hollow feeling returns demanding attention.
Why is that, why can't we find peace, why is there no point of satiety?
No place to rest, to stop, to arrive at.
We change relationships, jobs, homes, cars, clothes, friends, you name it, in the search of that elusive something, only to find that where ever you go there you.
We get busy revamping our wardrobe, our make-up, our image, polishing the exterior while inside it's hollow and numb.
Put a band-aid on the pain and off we go pretending to the world we have got it all together.
Praying that the mask doesn't slip until we get safely behind closed doors again.
Another word for happiness is Inner Peace or Bliss, it's that smile you walk around with that you didn't even know was there until you notice strangers smiling back.
Its a joy that cant be contained, that bubbles out and touches everything around it. Happiness is an inside job!
All fine and well but how do we arrive at this place inside that radiates out.
We get there by reclaiming our lives, by owning them, taking back our power from everything and everyone we have ever handed it over to.
Little by little, it's a gradual process of awareness, of discovering who we are.
Its the journey from victim to hero of your own life story.
It starts with accepting who we are right here right now and then building on that and learning to love who we see in the mirror in all our magnificence.
It doesn't have to be a giant leap, baby steps are good.
Make a different choice today, this moment, every moment to love who you are.
And then you will find that love has the most amazing power, love sent out expands exponentially,
it returns tenfold.