Emotional Blackmail by Debbie Broadley
Be careful who you tell your secrets to.....
Be careful who you tell your secrets to. Not all is as it seems!
We meet the amazing other, someone we can share our hearts, homes, beds and beings with.
Intimacy engenders trust and as we learn to let go and rest in this beloved,
we come home to ourselves.
We breathe out, we belong here, this is what we have been searching for. I am home! I am safe!
In this unfolding our stories emerge, theirs and ours. Some resolved, some unresolved.
Together we have created a sacred space into which we can voice our deepest
fears and greatest joys.
We get validation and assurance that it’s all OK and that we are loved in spite of the scars.
And in that acceptance we are able to love ourselves a little more and so love them more.
The intention of love is always, always and forever. We never enter into relationship
anticipating it breaking.
No matter how beautiful or conscious the dance is that we are dancing, if for just a moment,
we miss a step, the dance stops!
On those rare occasions where we are no longer in harmony, and cannot resume the dance
the relationship breaksdown and breaksup.
This beloved, the receptacle of our love and trust now has two choices as to how to hold us,
either in love or in anger (which is ultimately fear).
Holding us in love, they thank us, love us, bless us and wish us peace, happiness and joy.
This love has no conditions.
Holding us in anger and fear however we become THE subject of their REVENGE.
As they hurt we should too! The deeper their pain, hurt and unresolved emotions
(none of which have anything to do with us), the greater the rage and the more
explosive the revenge.
The explosion, if they are focused enough in their anger, will be aimed at bringing
not only us DOWN but destroying everything we hold dear. This “love” is conditional,
which isn’t actually love at ALL.
What do we do as the target of emotional blackmail or revenge?
Usually the first emotion that arises in response to revenge is FEAR. This of course is
exactly the reaction they were hoping for. This is what they feed off and use to control you. FEAR!
The spiritual teachings tell us that only love is real and that fear is simply the absence of love.
If we drop the fear, they lose all of their power over us. It dissipates their control.
It’s like a tight rope with FEAR pulling one end and CONTROL the other.
If we drop our end of the rope, NOTHING remains. The connection is broken!
How do we put fear down?
One way is to accept everything exactly as it is, without trying to control the outcome.
Let it be what it is. In other words ACCEPTANCE.
Another way, which should never standalone but rather be the override switch on any other
emotion, is LOVE. Any act of rage, anger, revenge or “hate” is in fact A CALL FOR LOVE.
If we look beyond the bravado of the chest pounding, foot stomping, axe wielding madman
at what lies beneath it, we will find at the very root of all of this RAGE is a child having
a tantrum, wanting to be heard. It is easier to love the child when we understand that the
madman is just the external expression of this pain.
This is a PERSONAL STORY although I have replaced “I” with “We” as it is not just my story,
it’s the story of many of us who have been betrayed in love and trust.
I open my heart, always, hold nothing back. I love completely, surrender to that.
What is the point in only meeting love halfway, you will only have half an experience, what a waste!
I have told “my story”, opened the deepest parts, the greatest wounds in the telling of this is
who I have been, how I have learnt and what life has caused me to become.
In the breakdown of relating, not once, but twice I have experienced emotional blackmail,
or rather plain and simply, blackmail!
For the men who have done this to me I say:
I am sorry
I love you
Please forgive me