Why do we keep returning to the same relationships OVER and OVER again?
Much to the despair of friends and family who have watched and supported and listened
to our reasons to go and our reasons to stay, never mind our reasons to repeat!
We convince ourselves and all who will bear witness that we will not be doing THAT again! EVER!!
We believe it even if no one else does.
When a relationship breaks down suddenly, in ANGER, which let’s face it, is often the case,
there has been no opportunity to resolve our differences and find a place of peace in the parting.
Our partners know which BUTTONS to press to get a result. You insult me, I will insult you,
we gave each other the AMMO after all, and we shall both feel justified in our RIGHTNESS.
He did, she did, he said, she said…….
Both parties having sunk into unconsciousness there is only EGO and its reaction.
If however, one partner can hold just enough consciousness for both, the process can be halted. “Stop, Beloved”, she says, “don’t go, I love you.” The energy of conflict dissolves in that one moment of awareness. Relating resumes, harmony restored.
BUT, when 2 egos rise to meet each other there is only conflict, rightness, accusations and blame.
In most cases the relating ends abruptly with angry words and actions.
Anger provides no CHOICE POINT, the outcome is inevitable.
Depending on the individuals and the severity of the break down, we enter a cooling off period.
We got the outcome we thought we wanted but then why does it feel INCOMPLETE?
We sit in our pain and allow it to burn through the layers of anger, resentment, rightness,
self-doubt, insecurity, sadness and fear until we finally arrive at LOVE.
The armour falls and our hearts soften leaving a door open through which love can re-enter.
Love walks in an hour, a week, a month or even a year later.
Why? When you have reached a place of absolute “insanity” with this person do we let them
Making up has an energy all of its own.
We have conquered and surrendered in spite of everything. Until next time……….
And the pattern repeats.
In an attempt to restore harmony and resolve our issues the freshly formed scabs get picked at
and ripped off and we find ourselves once again in the loop of destruction and blame.
How do we break the cycle, HEAL the wounds, or finally DISSOLVE the relationship?
. Accept responsibility for it ALL. Yes, really, it’s all your fault not theirs! Ouch!
. Own the triggers, they may be pushing the buttons but they are YOUR buttons!
. Identify what it is they are able to hook into, what do we think NEED and or WANT from them
we feel we can’t get anywhere else.
. Assess your limiting beliefs eg I can’t get a job, I won’t make it on my own, no one else will
. And don’t forget the favourite, “I am staying because of the children.” Poor kids have to learn
that this is what love looks like.
. Reclaim your personal power, there is nothing more attractive than self-confidence, your
partner may even fall in love with you all over again.
From this place we finally arrive at a CHOICE POINT.
Stay OR Go!
The place to make the choice from is one where it no longer matters if you stay or if you go,
when there is no longer any energy running, pushing you to go or pulling you to stay. At this
point the struggle is over and it’s DONE.
Now we choose what serves our highest growth. Stay and evolve together or go and expand alone.
A choice that comes from anything other than a NEUTRAL place will draw you back in to balance