Why Are You Single?
“There is no need for you to chase love when you are love.” Don Miguel Ruiz
I called a friend this morning, someone I don’t speak to often, about a business matter and at the end of the call she said: “I am ready to settle down now, find someone and relax with them.”
She, lets call her Maggie, is in her mid 50’s, been married once a long time ago and has one adult daughter. There have been many men I have heard about over the years, all kept in orbit and pulled in at random, mood and circumstances dependant. Some of these men single and some married. They come in for a brief moment in time to satisfy a need, and then their own gravitational field sends them back out into orbit. They remain friends so long as the status quo remains the same.
When you are single, sometimes the idea of a relationship is better, way better, than an actual relationship. Having options out there each providing an aspect of what you need as and when sounds like the perfect solution. There can be one who feeds you spiritually, another emotionally, yet another intellectually and don’t forget the most important one, physically! All your needs appear to be met across the spectrum without the hassle of an everyday person in your life.
Yesterday I had coffee with Greg, a single guy friend. He, lives a couple of hours out of a main centre and so single becomes a non-choice with no eligible partners in town. Any relationship would have to be long distance. A text message a couple of times a day. The odd call and see each other, how often? In the meantime Greg is happy being alone, he fills his days with work and music is his first love, and so he dances while he cooks.
The older we get or the longer we have been single the more difficult it is to get into a relationship. We become so set in our ways and get irritated when someone else comes into that space and starts shifting the energy of aloneness. There is no asking permission to go out, to see friends, to watch TV. No conversation to be made while you are deeply engrossed in a book, no compromising over what to eat, when to sleep, to shower and no need to dress up or show up on down days.
I could go through my list of friends and then some, I know a lot of single people. Everyone would tell you a different story about being single, their hopes and dreams and reasons.
So, why are you single………..?