Who Hurt Who ? by Debbie
“He/she hurt me!” we cry in our well established pattern, gathering in as many allies as will listen and agree to his bastard/bitch status! We make ourselves right in the telling, only delivering the half truths that support our version of the story.
As the old saying goes there are 3 sides to every story, mine, yours and what’s true. I would like to add to that, there are actually as many stories as there are witnesses to the seeing and telling. The witness can only “see” through their filter and so we have new versions with each retelling.
How did he/she hurt us? The question of course does not apply to physical hurt but rather mental and emotional pain. Is someone else responsible for our pain? Have we ever stopped to look at this or is it easier to blame? Why would we inflict pain on ourselves? Dumb hey, of course we wouldn’t, BUT WE DO !!
We set ourselves up perfectly for the hurt. HOW?
We create expectations in our minds, we tell ourselves stories, our very own version of reality. And when what happens does not match what we think should happen – OUCH!
And, then, instead of looking at what is, we feel the pain and turn outwards to blame the person who appears to have inflicted it!
Should we care to STOP, look and reflect we may just notice that there is no blame, that we created the outcome with our expectations. That the wound is SELF INFLICTED !
THAT I HURT ME!!!
Accepting responsibility for our story and seeing it as just a story frees us from being the victim. NO one has the power to hurt us but US!
LOVE IS NOT PERSONAL! by Debbie Broadley
LOVE is one of the most misunderstood phenomena in the Universe!
As well as individually and globally the most lacking.
Yet, LOVE is a word we throw around haphazardly and in many uses it has become diluted and lost its meaning.
I will love you if ………you fill all of my hopes, needs, wants, desires and expectations.
Complete my PICTURE of the fairy tale and I will love you.
Conform to my CONDITIONS and I will love you.
None of that is love, it’s MANIPULATION to get what we want, to make us feel good about ourselves and to put a band aid on our insecurities.
In its TRUE expression, LOVE is not personal it’s UNIVERSAL.
IT JUST IS!
It INFUSES our being and radiates outwards touching everything it comes into contact with and reverberates back. No boundaries, no exceptions and NO CONDITIONS.
What tends to happen however, 99.9% of the time, is that on encountering a vibration of LOVE we turn to face it, to bathe in it and for us, in its glow, it becomes personal. We want to hold onto it, to own and possess it, take it home. And so we destroy it.
How do you experience LOVE?
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
LOVE IS AN INSIDE JOB!
LOVE can only be experienced to the level it has been SELF REALISED.
Love is not something that exists outside of us, it’s entirely an INSIDE job!
We are LOVE!
The biggest mistake is believing love is found OUT there somewhere.
Even if we encounter someone who is fully realised as love, if we have not connected with ourselves as LOVE we will not experience them as Love.
Our experience will be limited to our capacity to LOVE.
We have limited ourselves by armouring our hearts, building walls to protect us from getting hurt.
Over years of shielding this becomes our norm, we have learnt to operate from this place of LACK.
Feeling safe behind our walls we become numb to the full joyous expression of LIFE as LOVE.
Why Are You Single?
“There is no need for you to chase love when you are love.” Don Miguel Ruiz
I called a friend this morning, someone I don’t speak to often, about a business matter and at the end of the call she said: “I am ready to settle down now, find someone and relax with them.”
She, lets call her Maggie, is in her mid 50’s, been married once a long time ago and has one adult daughter. There have been many men I have heard about over the years, all kept in orbit and pulled in at random, mood and circumstances dependant. Some of these men single and some married. They come in for a brief moment in time to satisfy a need, and then their own gravitational field sends them back out into orbit. They remain friends so long as the status quo remains the same.
When you are single, sometimes the idea of a relationship is better, way better, than an actual relationship. Having options out there each providing an aspect of what you need as and when sounds like the perfect solution. There can be one who feeds you spiritually, another emotionally, yet another intellectually and don’t forget the most important one, physically! All your needs appear to be met across the spectrum without the hassle of an everyday person in your life.
Yesterday I had coffee with Greg, a single guy friend. He, lives a couple of hours out of a main centre and so single becomes a non-choice with no eligible partners in town. Any relationship would have to be long distance. A text message a couple of times a day. The odd call and see each other, how often? In the meantime Greg is happy being alone, he fills his days with work and music is his first love, and so he dances while he cooks.
The older we get or the longer we have been single the more difficult it is to get into a relationship. We become so set in our ways and get irritated when someone else comes into that space and starts shifting the energy of aloneness. There is no asking permission to go out, to see friends, to watch TV. No conversation to be made while you are deeply engrossed in a book, no compromising over what to eat, when to sleep, to shower and no need to dress up or show up on down days.
I could go through my list of friends and then some, I know a lot of single people. Everyone would tell you a different story about being single, their hopes and dreams and reasons.
So, why are you single………..?
The stories are not real, they are simply creations of the mind and
bear no reference to reality.
Instead of tying up all of our energy in the story, how about just freeing up a little of that energy
at a time and giving it to ourselves?
How can we free up that energy?
This can be done by simply accepting “what is.”
If a relationship is over, it is over…
No amount of whining...… is going to change this fact.
Nobody cares about your judgments regarding the relationship, and none of it helps you to move
on and carry on with your life.
Sometimes people cling to silly fantasies and obsessions simply because our idea of ourselves
in reality and the ability to manipulate a relationship outcome has failed.
And so we REFUSE to accept reality, our life becomes stuck because of empty dreams.
The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves.
If we don’t get that right we won’t get any other relationship “right”.
And that’s not just intimate personal relationships, not just friendships and family BUT relationships
to everything we come into contact with.
Let those old relationship stories go.
So what if they dumped you and found someone new?
So what if they didn’t?
None of it has anything to do with you, the only thing you have any control over is YOU
and how you choose to be in relationship with life.
The formula for freedom:
Beryl Clapton Armitage - I saw this with my daughter...she got a crisis rescue French Bull Terrier and she calls it her baby and kisses it more than the husband and children.....
Tim Aldrich - It's a love thing
A friend said to me last night, "you must be so angry!"
Cathy Selby Smith - You are such a wonderful example to everyone one you know. You give such good life lessons. Take care
Beryl Clapton Armitage - Total acceptance of a situation is what is needed...and then you take the steps needed to rectify things....anything else is a waste of energy.
Desire'e Bell - Well done Debbie, sorry about the lost of your motor car, but quiet honestly don't think i could be as peaceful as you are about the situation...it takes a lot of self control dolly
Sallyanne West Graham - Being angry only hurts you. I agree.
Beverley Diane Walther - Wow.... Well controlled !!!!! I would be wild. I could learn from you
Casper Johannes de Koker - Well said
Kimberly Terry - Many lessons in life. This perhaps the most important
Niki Hart - So true Debs 😇have a glorious day
Rita van Den Broek - Yes it is only hurts you don't be angry